The Chosen
by Legal - Assasin 101
Summary: SH4. -SONGFIC- Only one person remains on the list of the 21 sacraments. Walter Sullivan lies awake and ponders about the choice he has to make... -The Song Is Called 'The Chosen' By Voltaire-


_**The Chosen.**_

_**A/N: Hello, Hello, Nice To Meet All Of You. This Is My First Silent Hill Fanficion And I Must Admit, I'm Slightly Nervous. I Thought This Up When I Was Trying To Fall Asleep Listening To This Song And Thinking: "Hm… I Could Write A FF For This!!"**_

_**So Here I Am ^^**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I Do Not Own Silent Hill Or It's Characters, They Are Copyright To Konami. **_

_**I Also Do Not Own This Song, The Song And It's Lyrics Are Copyright To Voltaire.**_

_Last night a moth came to my bed  
and filled my tired, weary head  
with horrid tales of you  
I can't believe it's true  
But then the lamp shade smiled at me,  
it said "believe," it said "believe."  
I want you to know it's nothing personal._

I lay awake, staring at the blood crusted ceiling above me. You're insufferable; you plague my mind with your voice, your _face_, your very _essence._

I exhale slowly, running the plan through my mind again. _You're it. _The last of the 21 sacraments. Then it's all over, and I can finally be together with mother. Oh how my heart yearns for that time, and yet, sometimes, my heart aches when I remember that for this joyous reunion to occur, your mortal life as we know it must end. Sometimes I wonder if you could be saved, if we could _both_ live with mother for the rest of eternity.

But that's ridiculous; I'm a very selfish person. I'm not sure if I want to share mother with anyone else, even if it is you, my dear receiver of wisdom.

_First time I had sex, I was three.  
First time consenting was thirteen.  
Though you weren't there  
you remind me of those hands.  
Roses are red, violets are blue  
if I'm schizophrenic, then I am too  
whatever it takes to escape,_

Do you know what it's like, Henry? To be attacked sexually when you're so_ young?_

Of course you wouldn't. Even if you did, (_I shudder to think…) _would it really be so bad for you? You who had a mother to cry to, you who had someone to watch over you to make sure that something like that never happened again?

I didn't have the luxury of love that so many people just throw out at random.

I didn't have that. I had no one to cry to, no one to watch over me, no friends, no family. Nothing. Could you understand how that feels? No, you could never understand the pain, the loneliness, the indescribable agony of hosting a heart that doesn't even know the meaning of the word _love._

_I hope you understand  
why I'm forced to take your life in my hands  
I want you to know it's nothing personal  
And though we've never met  
I've seen your image in a million waking dreams  
Your eyes they call to me  
Set me free…_

All I want is acceptance, I crave it. I do hope you can understand that I really had no intentions of hurting anybody. I just wanted to be with the one person that could love me unconditionally. I'm sure you can understand. No? Fine. Perhaps you can relate to the pain of unrequited love.

Let's just say that you have been an object for my… affection for quite some time. You amuse me with your pitiful attempts to evade this hellish nightmare, and your calm impassiveness irritates me so… You fascinate, amuse and annoy me in such a way that I find it hard to grasp the notion that I must be the one to end it all.

_Did I ever tell you  
You look like my mother  
She once left me in a supermarket  
I promised myself that I'd never feel that way again  
Did I ever tell you  
You look like my dear old mother._

Though I must admit, as strong as my feelings for you are, my dearest receiver, my longing to see my mother is stronger. As I'm sure you know, I would do anything to see her. But as I lie here, I ask myself if I could really destroy such a wondrous creature such as yourself as if you were nothing more than a pawn on my chessboard.

This answer is often lost among jumbled feelings and thoughts that come when I think of you. Perhaps I shall not know myself until the last defining moment.

_I hope you understand  
why I'm forced to take my life in your name  
I want you to know it's nothing all the same  
And though we've never met  
I've seen your image in a million waking dreams  
Your eyes the call to me  
Set me free…_

It's also times like this when the true atrocity of my crimes becomes clear to me. Often times I'm impassive, others I'm revolted to the point of nausea. I wonder sometimes if it's all worth it, did I do the right thing? I tell myself that it's what any loyal loving son would do. Is it? Sometimes I think it would be truly easier if I was to just simply fade away… and yet… there are things that stop me from making that possibility a reality.

One is my dearest Mother.

The other… is you, Henry.

_Last night a moth came to my bed  
and filled my tired weary head  
with horrid tales of you  
I can't believe it  
I can't believe it's true  
But then the lamp shade smiled at me  
it said "believe," it said "believe."  
I want you to know it's nothing personal._

And so I lay, gazing up at the blood crusted ceiling above me. You've destroyed my mind, Henry. It was once a strait road, and the only destination was my reunion with mother. Yet now, that road has a fork, to which I am now standing in front of. One, leading to the prize I have so long toiled for, and the other, leading to an unknown destination, an unknown prize, something delightfully unexpected. That road is you…

_I hope you understand  
why I'm forced to take your life in my hands  
I want you to know it's nothing personal  
And though we've never met  
I've seen your image in a million waking dreams  
Your eyes they call to me  
Set me free…_

Thinking is almost painful for me now. For no matter how my thoughts start, they all end in this dreadful decision. I want both of you, but that's not possible. _Damn_ my selfishness! Why must this be so hard for me? I have always seen mother as everlasting love, but… could that be you as well, Henry? Could you also be the warmth that I have been longing for my whole life?

_I hope you understand  
why I'm forced to take my life in your name  
I want you to know it's nothing all the same.  
And though we've never met  
I've seen your image in a million waking dreams  
Your eyes the call to me  
Set me free…_

Perhaps I should just leave you… some people were just born to be alone for eternity. Perhaps this _is_ my destiny. Perhaps I was born solely to never feel the warmth of mutual love… But why? Why can't I feel the joy of love at least once before my pitiful existence is cast into the darkness forever? I don't think I shall ever know the answer to that question as well.

_  
It's not easy being the chosen…_

I can understand how you feel, Henry. Confused as to why you couldn't just live out your simple life and die a gray old man. Angry as to why it had to be _you_, and not someone else.

_It's not easy being the chosen…_

But it has to be.

After all, you're the Receiver of Wisdom…

_My_ Receiver of Wisdom…


End file.
